This letter is from a time in my life when I struggled immensely with my eating habits. I recently graduated from high school and was about to go off to Iowa State to start my college experience. I had been starving myself for the past four to five months and a friend had just died from a rare disease.
Many emotions were swirling around in my heart as I wrote this letter. So many thoughts filled my head that I had to jot them down. It was probably one of the first times I journaled. The letter is partly a word to me and partly a word to God, pleading with him to help me change.
The most prominent emotion I felt was frustration. I was angry at myself for starving myself and I wanted to stop. I was tired of the lies and they were becoming just that, lies. I was agitated that I had taken life for granted. Life felt too precious to throw it away on something as shallow as an unachievable image.
This letter is in my study Bible that I have had since high school. It lives by 1 Corinthians 6:19–20. The passage is about the body being a temple of God and commands everyone to honor God with their body.
1 Corinthians 6:19–20
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
“My body belongs to God. He made it and I have to treat it as a gift from God. No more starving myself. No more skipping meals. No more emotionally eating. I have such a huge problem with my body. I have to stop calling myself fat. I have to stop putting myself down because I ate to much. I have a problem with emotional eating. As soon as I screwed up starving myself I would eat everything. I am sick of it. I’m sick of seeing myself as fat when I’m not. I’m sick of eating so much at one time that I want to baft. God told us in 1 Corinthians 6: 19–20 that our body is actually his as everything else he created, so I should treat it that way. Just because I am not model skinny doesn’t mean I’m fat. I am a very normal weight for my height. Some other great features God has given me are my powerful athletic arms and legs. I am very athletic and can do lots of things with my body that others can’t. My hair is so beautiful and long. I can do just…