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It’s Not Just Another Day
I have always thought of birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions as just another day. I didn’t do anything to celebrate. I would still go to work or run errands. That all changed when I met my husband.
The more I live and grow, the more I notice how damaged I am. Not celebrating milestones was another way of guarding my heart against the pain of feeling unloved. Since no one was there to celebrate it with me, why celebrate it at all. The worst thing that could happen is everyone says no and if everyone says no, no one loves me.
I remember my 21st birthday very clearly. After spending my sophomore year at home, working and attending community college, I returned to college for my junior year. The few friends I had made freshman year had gone their separate ways. And by the time my birthday month, March, rolled around, I hadn’t made significant relationships, other than a few women from a small church group.
One of the reasons I took a year off was because I was insanely lost, lonely, and depressed at college. My social health was still developing aka I wasn’t that great at making or keeping friends yet, but I was learning.
Though I had no previous desire to drink, when it dawned on me that my next birthday would be my 21st, I wanted to try it. I wanted to have a party with people and go to the bar on my…
